Birthday Bashfulness: Attention to Intention

In leading up to my own birthday yesterday, I have been getting a good amount of, “I didn’t know it was your birthday; what are you doing for your birthday?”; “How old are you turning?” (my least favorite question). Obviously, this then inspired a very timely, birthday-themed blog post. What I find interesting in all of this is how people act around or on their birthday and how that is an insight into their character. In many ways, it hints at to how much they want to be that traditional, main character “look at me it’s my birthday” kind of energy for that particular year. Some of us focus on the fact that the moment the month of our birth hits suddenly it’s a birthday month we are celebrating. Others are a bit more conservative – “oh no not a birthday month I would never”, but instead send a birthday week with a full Canva itinerary text in the group chat. Some always take off work on their birthday even if there are no set plans. On the other hand, there are some who really are pretty hush hush about their special day – not much discussion on it. It could come up in conversation naturally, but they are definitely not the ones putting it out there for everyone to know.

It is not just how someone acts around their birthday, but the other factor to this is how the birthday is then celebrated. Birthdays can be self-planned with that very organized (and somewhat obnoxious) Canva itinerary. Don’t get me wrong, love and use Canva invites because they are super cute, but a whole week itinerary? Oof. They can be planned by the ones we care about including the ever classic surprise party. Do we need to make it a theme? I do love a good theme. Some people hate surprises though, too. So, how do we plan for those people that never discuss their birthday and hate surprises? Do we just give up and think of trying again next year?  Maybe a “I hate that it’s my damn birthday again” birthday theme. Sounds nice. Next, in this planning, location matters - it can be a house party, at a bar or restaurant followed by dancing, a destination weekend. And, we cannot forget, the always important guest list. Is it a small, intimate gathering or are we inviting everyone we have ever come in contact with? 

In reflecting on my past birthdays, and if you cannot tell, I’ve personally never reached full itinerary status. It has varied over the years with how I spend it, but I usually take more of the backseat approach. To be honest, I get a little weird when my birthday comes around and I am not shouting it from the rooftops like paperboy screaming, “Extra, Extra Read All About it”. Probably the whole “getting older” yadda yadda yadda.  Maybe also a mixture of let's downplay it so we are not disappointed in case. I’ll give you some birthdays I have celebrated to understand this topic further.

In college (Go Gators), I did my birthday up. Huge pregame, open invite to anyone and everyone. There was a giant head of me at the damn event. I believe I just sent a wide net, last minute text to most of my college contacts. I rented out the common room of my apartment complex and packed the room with a variety of friends, friends of friends, and acquaintances. Limited food (if any), random bottles of Smirnoff, and cases of cheap beer situated across the pool table while J Balvin’s Colores album reverberated from wall to wall. My giant head cutout and I led the charge to the downtown Gainesville bars where we did it up. My shirt was taken off at some point. The head cutout crowd faced its own set of casualties after surfing through the venue; now covered in shoe marks as it was left on the club floor for some time. At the end of the night, I somehow stumbled home but the head cutout who knows where he is to this day. We did not end up going home together that night despite my best flirting tactics. The night was one to remember (with some haziness), but it was crazy fun. 

Last year, my boyfriend planned a “Murder on the Dancefloor” disco-themed murder mystery dinner party with some of my closest friends. He designed the entire night at a rented Airbnb that gave exposed brick, NYC loft realness but was somehow in downtown Durham, North Carolina. He wrote the entire narrative in a Traitors-esque type of game play for the night’s activity as well as cooked numerous courses including homemade guacamole and chips to carnitas tacos with the works to a citrus-flavored cheesecake. It was truly incredible; not something I would’ve ever thought of or organized. Friends from different groups were there and it was just a great, curated group that seamlessly blended together. The murder mystery was not solved until the last course and round of the night. It was such a different birthday than I had prior, but was still just as fun, if not more around this solid group of friends. 

This most recent one happened last weekend – a long weekend getaway to Maine. This one was more so like yes, it is my birthday, but the focus of the trip is just to get away, reset, and explore. I curated a group of five to take the six hour trek via car together to a small boutique hotel in York, Maine called The Viewpoint. These gorgeous grounds have each room with a postcard view of the Nubble Lighthouse. Oh, and remember when I wanted a balcony for my Philly apartment? Don’t worry, this place had one for us to sit, read, and enjoy our coffee with a view as the New England waves haphazardly crashed on the luminescent rocks below. Our days started with each of us having a spa treatment each morning (I got a lovely sea body scrub and then a “go-and-glow” facial), coffee and treats, reading, and some shopping (where I acquired the best purchase – a rat chef holding a wooden spoon that I obviously named Mister Squeakers). It was the time of season when things were just opening up more in the area, which was perfect for this type of trip. We also had ourselves a full day trip to Portland, Maine. Our nights were centered around trauma bonding conversations, playing random, funny scenarios of Fuck-Marry-Kill, delicious seafood (so many lobster rolls!!!) and craft cocktails. It was a no fuss, no drama perfect trip with even more perfect humans. The best part is that it was not like a trip centered around my birthday; it was a trip that got this group together just so happened to be for my birthday. 

Adding in this final piece – my actual birthday turned out to be unexpectedly wonderful. It turned into somehow multiple cakes, gifts, and celebrations from my PICU and pharmacy team. Being relatively new to this hospital and role, I didn’t even know that more than like 4 people knew my birthday was approaching. After work, I took my free birthday workout class followed by a surprise dinner and drinks at Dear Daphni with friends. This day was a true cherry on top to the Maine getaway and birthday festivities this year.

I share these instances to highlight three important points I've learned about all things birthdays:

1.     Birthdays are a time of self-reflection – looking at the past and hoping for things in the future. The trajectory I have had over the years regarding birthday celebrations has been all over the map. In college, I strived to have everyone around and ensure that it was well attended – the attention seeking, validation type of birthday. Then, we have the one where others led the birthday charge - the birthday that I did not plan but done by those who know me best. And, most recent the nonbirthday focused birthday, where it was intentional with the time, place, and people. But, I think that is the interesting part – so many different experiences yet for the same event.

2.     The best celebrations are those that are unexpected. Birthdays are not about planning the best party ever or ensuring you have the most people there, but they are about simply who is there and celebrating with them. Planning is important, but not too much because those are the nights that end up being the best. Living in the moment and not setting expectations that are unachievable and destined to disappoint you. Just enjoy your day with your people!

3.     As we evolve, we want to celebrate in different ways. Through our experiences, and every year we get older, we learn more about ourselves and what we actually want, not what we perceive we or others want. I have seen myself as an extroverted, social, includer individual become one of dwarves in Snow White, Bashful, specifically, when it comes to birthdays. Our priorities may change, however, it is important we don’t lose sight of what is actually important to us and when celebrations happen, big or small, spend them how we want to (and with who we want!).

All that being said, I am always down to party especially if a disco ball is involved (Mister Squeakers too) so…if anyone is having a birthday party soon or wants to celebrate anything, send that invite our way as we are definitely available ;).

-JackofAllStories