Is Being Bitter Actually Better?

I went to an impromptu brunch at Barcelona Wine Bar last Sunday with friends and obviously some trauma dumping occurred after a few grapefruit-guava-lemon mimosas were thrown back. Tapas and drinks were great for those wondering. This brunch also then turned into a Sunday Funday adventure through South Philly, imbibing further at Grace & Proper with coffee-forward espresso martinis. Highly recommend all of the above. Anyway, one stimulating conversation centered around bitterness and the idea of if we considered ourselves bitter people, and if so, what specific things were we bitter about?

It’s interesting to think, about as bitterness always deems such a negative connotation. I did my research on bitterness (briefly). Historically, it was discussed that human beings detecting bitterness via our taste buds was a natural red flag or warning sign to avoid said “poison”. Do our taste buds secretly know things we don’t? Is feeling bitter about something or someone actually our bodies method of protection? Does everyone feel bitterness or is it specific to certain individuals? This all has not been validated in the literature, but instead, the conversations on health benefits from bitter foods have had more staying power. Bitter foods have been noted to stimulate digestion, reduce inflammation, regulate hunger, and aid in nutrient absorption [insert article citation here in APA format ;) ]. With that in mind, although the taste could be unpleasant in nature, I couldn’t help but wonder – is bitter actually better?

To unlock this complexity further, let’s breakdown bitterness to discover the underbelly of this beast of a question.  

1.     My mom called the other day and asked why she has not been featured in my posts yet. She wasted no time on this one. Well, it has been only two weeks and two posts to include her, so that alone could be a reason. For those who do not fully know her, this is not out of character for her to blatantly ask. In fact, it would be more strange if she kept this to herself. She says it like she means it – good, bad, or indifferent. Sure, she is bitter about it, but here she is getting her feature after openly sharing how she was feeling about it. But, is that really a bad thing? Or, has she actually cracked the code?

Now that I know she feels that way, here I am addressing it, so the real winner seems to be her.

2.     I will say bitterness teaches you to remember and learn from said bitterness. Okay, here we go, trauma dump #456. I interviewed for residency at a program that circuitously questioned my integrity in a way that I never would have expected. Essentially, I had an old blog (R.I.P.) where I discussed how people are naturally inclined to lie in some way, shape, or form , but learn from said lies. That oddly came up during the interview in a way that completely twisted the point of the story, the writing itself, and quite frankly, me. This program clearly did not get the truths of the story, had a lack of appreciation for my writing, and wholeheartedly misjudged who I was. I went from a excited, but nervous interviewee to a completely shut down shell of myself because I felt so thrown off, almost like a reverse Sour Patch kid. I went from sweet to sour to gone. After that interview, I remember crying and calling my mom, one of the people who would remind me actually who I am and that I was not this person that was projected at me. Look there is another feature, mom! As you can guess, that program landed on my “Do Not Rank” list. 

I rarely share that incident, but it is one I still carry with me. And, I think that encompasses my unspoken bitterness. It is a memory I learned from and is one that further shaped my journey. I don’t consider myself a bitter person, but I definitely had that lingering taste. Okay, so maybe we all are bitter, but we do not want to admit it. We do not want to be singled out as THAT bitter person. Who wants to be around bitter people? Well, actually, maybe we all should and maybe we already are…

3.     Nothing can connect more than a bitter feeling. With brings the point, I realized at that Sunday brunch four mimosas deep (hehe); there is such power in sharing our bitterness. Each person at the table started sharing their own stories on prior relationships and past situations that really irked them (and still does). Also, everyone at this point had eaten and we had received the check. This conversation turned the tides completely and it was almost as if time drifted away, as we ended up asking our waitress if we could sit and order more cocktails. We then starting bouncing other feelings, thoughts, and questions off each other based on these bitter tales. And, not only that, the genuine relief each person sharing felt could be seen like steam pouring off of their bodies. It was our version of unpaid, unsolicited therapy.

There is a reason bitterness is one of the five human tastes. We all have it, whether we like to admit it or not. We grow, learn, and adapt from it. We develop preferences of what we like versus what we do not. We can then share from our past to further jade us, but also protect us for future endeavors. It is something that oddly brings us closer together in a trauma-dumping sort of fashion. We can all start sharing more of what we are bitter about and why.  So, let’s go to brunch, raise a glass, give a cheers to being bitter, and being better for it.

-JackofAllStories